Nicole Nyaba
Nicole Nyaba, a model and the former partner of the late rapper Kiernan “AKA” Forbes, has opened up about her experiences with a tumultuous upbringing, lingering family issues, and her ongoing struggles with mental health.
Nyaba’s life began in Durban under challenging circumstances, which she describes as filled with uncertainty.
“My biological mother didn’t have an ID at the time, and my father was living in another township. I was born in town by luck,” she recounts.
Despite being a South African citizen and bearing her father’s surname, Nyaba grew up shuttling between the Ndlovu and Nyaba families, given that her parents were not married.
Living between two families, she says, never allowed her to feel stable or secure.
“I’m a member of both families, but I never felt like I truly belonged anywhere. I took my father’s surname because he did have a hand in my upbringing. But that didn’t mean life was stable.”
Having spent her formative years primarily in Clermont and Umlazi, Nyaba reflects on a childhood characterized by fear and emotional suppression.
“I grew up curious but very afraid. I was always scared of getting myself into trouble, even as a child at home,” she remembers. As time passed, she began to recognize that many of her formative experiences were not typical. “There are things that happened to me that I’m only now realising were not okay.”
This absence of safety, she explains, persisted into her school years and beyond, influencing how she learned and connected with others.
“Learning was always a challenge for me. Not because I wasn’t capable, but because I lacked something fundamental, that sense of safety and grounding,” she asserts.
“I felt like I was missing what connects you to life and to other people.”
Within her extended family, Nyaba often felt that her pain was minimized or disregarded.
“In the Ndlovu family, it was just me and my mother. In the Nyaba family, people went on with life as long as what happened to me didn’t affect them,” she notes, adding that she was made to feel as if being left behind was a common occurrence.
A particularly painful memory for her is the loss of her uncle, Nkosinathi Emmanuel Ndlovu, whose death was reported as a suicide.
“That loss left too many unanswered questions,” she reflects. “It affected more than just one person; it affected the entire family.”
As 2024 progressed, Nyaba’s mental and emotional health deteriorated significantly.
“I’ve been trying to hold myself together since November 2024, because that’s when everything got worse,” she explains. “I feel weak at times. I live in fear – fear of my death, fear of what comes after, and fear of being attacked emotionally and mentally.”
She attributes her struggles to years of emotional neglect that left her vulnerable.
“My mistakes were used against me, even though I didn’t fully understand what was happening to me at the time,” she says. “I wasn’t guarded or protected enough. And some of the harm came from people I trusted, family, friends, and communities.”
In December, Nyaba made her distress public through a heartfelt post on social media, describing years of “suffering in silence.”
In her message, she indicated that she had created a new account due to feeling limited in her ability to communicate and sought assistance from women’s organizations, expressing that she felt unsafe and isolated.
“Please try not to look at my past and listen to me now,” she wrote, expressing a feeling of urgency by stating that she felt she was “running out of time.”
Nyaba observed that the reactions from others underscored a lack of understanding of her true circumstances.
“People see fragments of me and think they know my entire story,” she explains. “They don’t see the years of confusion, fear, and unanswered questions that shaped my reactions and decisions.”
Although her association with a well-known personality fueled public scrutiny, she emphasizes that her difficulties began long before she gained fame.
“This didn’t start with celebrity or relationships. This started in childhood, in the home, in the silence, in the things that were never addressed,” she clarifies.
Now, as she starts to share her story, Nyaba states that her aim is survival rather than seeking sympathy.
“Staying silent nearly destroyed me,” she acknowledges. “But I’m trying to pick myself up where I can.”
She describes her healing journey as slow and uncertain. “Healing is not linear. Some days I feel strong; other days I feel like I’m starting from nothing again,” she remarks.
“But I’m trying to be honest with myself for the first time.”
As she continues on her path to recovery, Nyaba expresses a simple wish: peace and understanding.
“I just want peace and the chance to live without fear,” she shares. “I knew life in South Africa wasn’t easy. I just never knew how much harder it could get.”
